Mental Health, Trauma & Healing | What Is FUF?

What do you do when life genuinely isn't fair? Beth Sherman — a board-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, nurse, author, and speaker with more than 20 years of experience — joins Nick and Jason to talk through the framework she built from two decades of nursing, eight years working inside a state prison system, and her own fight with colorectal cancer: what she calls the FUF, or the F**ked Up Factor.

In this episode, Beth talks about where the FUF concept came from, learning to meet people where they are instead of judging them, surviving cancer at 39 after losing a friend to the same disease, and how she turned all of it into her book, What the FUF: Understanding the FUF—and Finding a Way Through. She also talks about her memoir, Looking Back It Was Funny.

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Beth Sherman (guest):
Facebook — facebook.com/beth.sherman.712
Books (Amazon) — amazon.com/stores/author/B099QR3JS5

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Transcript

MOSAIC MINDS PODCAST
Beth Sherman — Clean Transcript

[COLD OPEN / INTRO]

Beth (00:00:00)
It does stand for the fucked up factor. Because working in mental health, working as a nurse, I've
found that a lot of what we do is just kinda identifying what is going on, what is the issue, and I
kind of just called it the fucked up factor, like what is really going on with the situation. And we
all have a FUF situation. We all have our own FUF.

Beth (00:00:22)
And I'm always trying to be nice. I'm always trying to help people. I'm driven to help people. I'm
also a cancer survivor. And

Jason Yocum (00:00:31)
Powerful

Beth (00:00:32)
Yes, I had colorectal cancer when I was 39 and I survived and a lot of young people are getting
colorectal cancer. Some people that I was in treatment with, like my friend Heather, she was also a
nurse and a similar age. She passed away, she did not respond to the treatment. And so I did. And so
that really kinda changed my personality, I would say, or at least put on overdrive. Because now I'm
like, okay, I'm alive. I survived all this. I don't understand why when somebody so beautiful and so
healthy like Heather did not, and I did. So I'm like, Well, I better use my time and give back. So
that's another piece that's really driven a lot of things and we can only control how we respond to
things. And if we have challenges, then we have a purpose because we need to overcome them. So I
know I don't believe that all things happen for a reason. I think that good can come out of them
when we work at them and are allowed to. 'Cause there's just some evil in this world I cannot say
that is for a reason. But there are a lot of things that I do believe happen for a reason I do, but
it's about purpose. It's okay. It's okay to have FUF. It's okay that you feel you're a negative
person or that your family is messed up or that things aren't the way we think they are. And that
what I really want to do or I always like to start off with is I like to entertain people 'cause
obviously life is funny. At least that's how I see it. Maybe I'm not funny when it's happening, but
you look back later on, I'm like, that was kind of funny. And so I like to entertain, but I also
like to comfort and be like, you know what? This is human. We're human. And that's really what it's
about.


[MAIN CONVERSATION BEGINS — 00:02:49.257]

Nick Williams (00:02:49.257)
So welcome, Beth. I appreciate you being on the podcast. We're just gonna start right out by talking
about the big thing you have going on right now: this book that was recently published. So how does
it feel to finally have What the FUF out in the world? Love the title, by the way.

Beth (00:03:05)
Thank you. It's good. It's something I've been wanting to put out for a while. It's a concept I've
been working with. It's kind of a term I came up with and just kinda compiles all those moments that
were like, What is going on here and how do we put it together? So putting the book together is
pretty exciting.

Nick Williams (00:03:22)
Now, the full name of the book is "What the FUF: Understanding the FUF—and Finding a Way Through,"
right?

Beth (00:03:29)
That is right.

Nick Williams (00:03:30)
Okay. All right. And it's okay—you are allowed to say fuck. So go ahead and tell us what

Beth (00:03:36)
Okay.

Nick Williams (00:03:38)
FUF actually stands for.

Beth (00:03:41)
It does stand for the fucked-up factor. Because working in mental health and working as a nurse,
I've found that a lot of what we do is identify what is going on—what the issue is. I called it the
fucked-up factor: What is really going on with the situation? We all have a FUF situation. We all
have our own FUF. So when I see my patients, FUF is usually what I identify as the barrier. A
patient isn't taking their meds, isn't doing well, and is constantly calling the clinic. Primary
care is saying, 'I don't know what's going on with this patient. This is a problem. Let's get a
nurse in the home. I need somebody to lay eyes on it.' That was my first experience with FUF. I
would go into the home, lay eyes on the patient, and usually see what was going on. An example is a
400-pound man on a couch. The home is in disarray. His oxygen tank is next to him while he's
smoking, and there are alcohol and food wrappers around. We've identified the FUF: alcohol, unsafe
living conditions, and poor eating. FUF is a nicer way to describe the struggles and barriers we all
have.

Nick Williams (00:05:35)
Right. That and that was actually gonna be my question is, for people that it's not as obvious, that
alcohol isn't sitting there, and the person isn't smoking next to their their oxygen tank, like when
when life genuinely isn't fair, what how do we answer that question, what why is this happening to
me?

Beth (00:05:53)
Exactly. And it's really meeting us where we're at. So like like I said, we all have FUF. Nobody is
free from it. We all have things that we just do or act. It could be FUF doesn't have to be
something very obvious like that, like you know, the oxygen tank or the alcohol. FUF can be trauma,
it could be the way you respond to things, negative attitude, it could be you know, poor eating
habit. It could be anything. We all have FUF. And sometimes it's just the way we respond. Or for me,
very verbose and talk too much. That might be my FUF. So it's always something we're working with.

Nick Williams (00:06:33)
Yeah, I don't know about you, Jason, but I would say that I have revolving FUF, don't you? Yeah.

Jason Yocum (00:06:36)
Yeah, exactly. It just depends on the day. I wanna commend you first off for what you do. I really
like that. My dad and my mom were special needs instructors for about fifty years in the high school
and adult education world. And the thing that I found is that's probably a little bit different for
you is it seemed like the common thread that I saw was the experience of the child or the adult.
Point I'm making is they just really didn't get to do a whole lot. They were kind of sheltered is
what I would say. So I really commend my parents for being able to take them out and do life
day-to-day activities. So I guess the question I would have for you, when you're in the evaluation
stage of a I think client's the right word, how do you kind of evaluate each situation to see maybe
you're FUF'd, but more importantly, like what's actually going on with that individual?

Beth (00:07:25)
Well, if the FUF is functional and it's not affecting their day to day, so be it. But if it's
affecting their function to the point where they're at the clinic all the time or they're not
getting out, they're not working, their mental health is deteriorating, then we have a functional
issue and that's what we like to address. So if like for that patient, the obvious one, the
drinking, the you know, smoking with the oxygen tank He's not able to get in and out of the home or
his appointments, his health is deteriorating. So we have a functional issue. And so that's kinda
what we wanna target. And we have to meet them where they're at. And that was always kind of my
piece is I gotta meet them where they're at. I can go in there and tell all day, let's take that you
know, we're not gonna smoke, let's you know, alcohol is bad, we're not gonna drink and we're not
gonna eat sugar all day 'cause we're diabetic, but they know that. So I gotta meet them where
they're at. Where are they willing to do? What you know What is their goal? We all have to have some
type of goal and I'm sure we all have some goals. So that's where I gotta meet them, that's where I
have to work at. So that's really the point that I was getting at with meeting them where they're at
and identifying that FUF because then we can find out what is FUF to them and where we can meet in
the middle to help identify it and address it so that this patient or person, client can get on
functioning. So that's really about the functioning piece. And it doesn't actually even have to be
medical. A lot of it's just mental.

Nick Williams (00:08:54)
Now you've spent you've spent about two decades as a nurse, correct? It's been

Beth (00:08:59)
Yes.

Nick Williams (00:08:59)
About about two decades. Okay. So and you were you in you were a different kind of nursing other
than mental health before that, right? Like isn't this a fairly recent thing or have you always been
a mental or a psychiatric nurse?

Beth (00:09:14)
Most people going to the healthcare field not saying they're gonna be a mental health nurse. I never
identified myself as a mental health nurse and every job I've ever had is turned into mental health.
And in fact the most mental health job I've had was not a mental health nursing position, it was at
home care because I was really dealing with the mental health piece of what's causing that patient
to need so much care. 'Cause it's we all like to silo things in the medical field, like this is
mental health, this is cardiac, this is diabetes. And we don't put everything together as a whole,
and it is all a whole. So my first experience as a nurse, I actually worked in a prison for eight
years and that was definitely a lot of FUF and lots of "FUF" stories there we could go on for. And
then again, the root of it was mental health. That was mental health. And then I worked at the VA
and I actually did take a mental health position there. And I decided that halfway through my career
I want to do home care. And again, that was a most mental health job I had. And the case management.
And then I decided, okay, mental health is a thing. Mental health is I'm actually pretty good at it,
so I'm gonna do more with it. And I got my psychiatric nurse practitioner. So now I actually am a
psychiatric nurse practitioner. So I see and deal with FUF all day long and it's interesting.

Nick Williams (00:10:41)
So real quick with that with that experience, the two decades that you have, what do you now
understand about people that you wish everybody understood? Something that you feel like you have an
insight on over over other people that don't deal with the same kind of scenarios that you deal
with?

Beth (00:10:58)
Let's say judgment. We're everyone is so quick to judge everybody, you know, we see their "FUF" and
it's just like, they're an alcoholic, they're just crazy. You know, this it's we just judge and
we're not kind, or somebody who's kind of nasty.

Beth (00:11:14)
You automatically think, that person's just a low life or, you know, white trash or a nasty or a
bitch or whatever you want to call them and really that person is just most likely struggling and
that's a lot of trauma response. People who had a lot of trauma, people who've been abused, you
know, that behavior, that nastiness, that's usually because they don't trust people because they've
been hurt by people, they don't wanna be hurt by people, they don't wanna be judged. They think
they're already being judged, so they're just gonna be nasty. And that's really hard to deal with
and it's still hard to even work with those patients w that have that difficult personality. A lot
of it is the diagnosis we typically see with that difficult personality is like borderline
personality disorder that are really challenging. But it's a trauma response and we're so quick to
say, they're just nasty or they're just a bitch or we're just gonna leave them alone and you just
not understanding that, you know, that's actually a response to something. People's behavior,
people's FUF is learned. It's sometimes a coping mechanism or it's just something we've put up a
learned because that's how we decided we needed to function each day. So we just have to be kind and
just realize that. And we a lot of people don't.

Jason Yocum (00:12:28)
I've got several I ironically I'm going out to Florida to spend time with a guy that's in the
correction side of the prison systems. My other buddy was a guard. So I've got probably three
friends of about fifty to sixty years. Help us to start to look into maybe a chapter or an exciting
moment for you and the crossroads, the mosaic of

Nick Williams (00:12:42)
. I think we lost her Like I find myself like she was talking about gonna be in a Walmart or
whatever. I can I definitely can tell I've become less judgmental over the years because when you
end up experiencing things on your own, you tend to well, you tend to be able to relate better. Like
for instance, I used to kind of judge people a little bit that were on, like welfare or food stamps
until the day that I had to be on them. You know what I mean? And then that just kinda changes your
perspective on it. So I'm sure as a nurse she's seen this kind of stuff enough to where her she
probably has very little judgment for people, I would think.

Jason Yocum (00:13:28)
Comparison that I would give would be a glass coffee table that has some depth underneath the glass.
Some coffee tables are just surface and then some have hidden stuff that's down, it looks like a
couple inches of depth on that glass coffee table. The reason I'm explaining it like that is I think
some people just simply mask it better than others. You know, you've got everything together, your
clothes look nice, but you're a wreck, or you look like a wreck and you're unkempt, but you're
actually not as much of a wreck as the person that judges. So I a hundred percent agree with that.
As I've gotten older, I actually take care in finding that person that's struggling and trying to
put a smile on their face, get their chin off their chest, make their day, because even if you're
that person, it could make a permanent difference on them. And I think giving them the hope, giving
them the ability to see the best in themselves and also to maybe share that freedom. Because what
I've noticed is a lot of your people that are struggling mentally are quick if you help them out to
want to help someone else in their network of friends. And I think that's empowering to that person

Nick Williams (00:14:28)
Exactly. I think that's empowering to that person.

Jason Yocum (00:14:31)
And yourself for doing that.

Nick Williams (00:14:33)
Exactly. Yeah, if she if she makes it back on here, if for any of the viewers or listeners, if we
don't get her back on, we had our guest, Beth Sherman on here, but I think that she got cut off by
her her internet connection. So if she gets back on, great. But we left off with something I'm I
plan on asking her if she does get back on here is when she sent her bio over, it was kind of a
connection of clinical experience. Here she is, she's back in. So let me Hey Beth.

Beth (00:15:02)
All right, I'm so sorry.

Nick Williams (00:15:04)
That's okay. That's okay. We'll just kind of pick up where we left off. And I so I was gonna ask
you, the bio that you sent us, it was a kind of a connection of your clinical experience, your pr
your personal journey and then also your faith. So if you if you could just a little bit talk about
those things and how do how do those three things kind of fit together for you?

Beth (00:15:27)
Absolutely. So the FUF part started with the nursing career and identifying that. But like I said,
FUF is part of everything. I have fouff. We all have FUF. And it stems from personal experience,
your, you know, work and everything aspect of our lives. And my personal experience. This is not my
first book. I've written another book as well. It was a memoir. And that's kind of an outline of
probably my FUF. But my personal FUF is going what I've been through and what my family's been
through. And that's a lot of probably a lot of families have gone through, but there's a lot of
adoption. I had my children when I was fifteen. Just a lot of trials and tribulations to get to
where you are. So that's kind of my FUF. And then when you start to unpack family and relationships.
Then we have more FUF to unpack. There's so much more that's going on and underlined with what you
deal with and what families deal with and the relationships are so imperfect and so strained and
like I said there's been so much hardships in most people's lives and mine I don't think I have
compared to many other people hardships but there's just so many unreal things that we all deal with
and family's part of it. Your s our own choices and where we've gotten in life has brought us to
where we are and it stems from the FUF as well. And so putting that all together, because again it's
all a whole it's not really medical. It's everything. It's what we deal with and how we are and who
we are. And where we've gotten to. And so that's kind of where I put that all together. And the and
the spiritual piece for me, that's my coping mechanism. That's my peace. That's where I find where
I'm gonna be grounded and kind of guides me. And there's so much biblical guidance that it's just
like, wow, this has always been here. This knowledge has always been here. The things that we talk
about. Like forgiveness and kindness and treating people with respect. That's in the Bible. It's you
listen to a reading or a proverb, you're like, wow. That's very true. It's amazing how that can be
true two thousand years ago and true to today. And

Nick Williams (00:17:56)
Yeah.

Beth (00:17:56)
The Bible is nothing but FUF. You know, what everyone has been through—there are nothing but FUF
stories.

Nick Williams (00:18:00)
That's true, yeah.

Beth (00:18:03)
So that's kind of where it all pulls in.

Jason Yocum (00:18:06)
I would say you got a story of perseverance. So like not only is your perseverance there, but your
your razor's edge with helping and advocating for those people that need the voice the most. So when
you look at personality traits, what's maybe two personality traits that you have that allow you to
merge your personal life with the book and kind of make a mosaic in the middle with those two skill
sets?

Beth (00:18:30)
It's hard to understand your own personality. If I brought my husband here, he would tell you or my
kids. And then I would tell you theirs. Sometimes at work we call it what's your superpower. And so
I guess I could say that I've always been told my superpower is nice, but I guess that's more of
what I would say is for my personality, is that And I'm always trying to be nice. I'm always trying
to help people. I'm driven to help people. I'm also a cancer survivor. And

Nick Williams (00:19:05)
Wow.

Jason Yocum (00:19:06)
Powerful

Beth (00:19:07)
Yes, I had colorectal cancer when I was 39 and I survived and a lot of young people are getting
colorectal cancer. Some people that I was in treatment with, like my friend Heather, she was also a
nurse and a similar age. She passed away, she did not respond to the treatment. And so I did. And so
that really kinda changed my personality, I would say, or at least put on overdrive. Because now I'm
like, okay, I'm alive. I survived all this. I don't understand why when somebody so beautiful and so
healthy like Heather did not, and I did. So I'm like, Well, I better use my time and give back. So
that's another piece that's really driven me. To doing this book and my previous book and to just
share and to just be continue to help other people as well as myself because I don't find that being
self driven and just doing things for yourself. We could just keep trying to buy a new car, a new
house and new clothes or whatever, and you're never gonna find happiness. But you help

Nick Williams (00:20:12)
Yeah.

Beth (00:20:12)
Somebody, you will.

Nick Williams (00:20:14)
Yeah. I think that's cool. Yeah, that's definitely a reason to find a way to give back to other
people is when you overcome, something something like that. But it's I think it's funny that it
seems like that the happier people are, the less depressed people are. Those are the people that are
giving to others. Like kind of like you said, like, loving your neighbor, giving to your neighbor,
doing doing for others. Those always to seem to be the happier people, regardless of, like sta
socioeconomic status, whatever it is, like people that are that are giving to others always seem to
be the happier of the groups, And with you, with you talking about your faith, your personal
journey, all that, do you are you somebody then that believes that everything happens for a reason?
Like do you see a purpose behind some of these things that you've gone through?

Beth (00:21:00)
I do and I used to believe a little more than I do now just because some things are just so hard and
now that I work in a community mental health center and I have people across my desk that are just
like in the worst places I could ever imagine, you know, living in their car, being homeless, drug
addiction, just horrible, horrible stories. Sometimes I just stare at the other side of the desk and
think, Wow, is this real? And I can't imagine that had a purpose, but I do believe that we have no
control over a lot of things and we can only control how we respond to things. And

Nick Williams (00:21:41)
Yeah.

Beth (00:21:41)
If we have challenges, then we have a purpose because we need to overcome them. So I know I don't
believe that all things happen for a reason. I think that good can come out of them when we work at
them and are allowed to. 'Cause there's just some evil in this world I cannot say that is for a
reason. But there are a lot of things that I do believe happen for a reason I do, but it's about
purpose.

Nick Williams (00:22:07)
Yeah, and that can be that can actually I feel like that can sometimes be a dangerous statement
anyway, because that can sometimes put put kind of a tarnish on the cause. You know what I mean?
Like if you're like, every everything happens for reasons, that's gonna cause a lot of question,
especially in people that have just overcome some kind of trauma or some kind of some kind of
adversity, that's not gonna that's not gonna click well with them, even if they somewhat believe it,
it's probably gonna piss off a little bit, do you This is kinda what you were talking about kinda
goes into what I was gonna ask you next, but has your work in psychiatry, has it ever challenged
your faith? I mean, have ha some of the things that you've seen, have you ever thought, why would
God, allow this to happen?

Beth (00:22:49)
Yes, definitely. And sometimes I've I've seen especially in the prison environment and when I worked
at the prison it was FMC Devens in Ayer, Massachusetts, and it's a medical prison, believe it or
not. It's actually built off the old Cutler Army Hospital. They decided there's no such thing as too
frail for jail. So you can be wheelchair bound and very sick, but you can still go to jail because
Now the jail is also a hospital. So

Nick Williams (00:23:20)
I didn't I didn't know that existed, did you? I've never heard of that.

Jason Yocum (00:23:22)
Wow. That's wild.

Beth (00:23:24)
Yeah, yes, they do. They have the medical facilities that are also correctional facilities,
absolutely. Cause you know, the prison population is primarily mental health and other factors that
come along with it already and all that encompasses what got them there and that leads to health
disparities and so If you work in the medical field and you're A lot of times we say things like we
see something like a disease or somebody's like got a really odd disease or multiple diseases. And I
know it sounds kinda cruel, but when you work in the medical field you kinda develop a dark sense of
humor and we'll be like, look at

Nick Williams (00:24:09)
Yeah, you'd have to.

Beth (00:24:10)
That wound, that's cool.

Nick Williams (00:24:13)
Yeah.

Beth (00:24:14)
Like, look at this pus. So if you want

Nick Williams (00:24:16)
Yeah.

Beth (00:24:16)
To see you wanna see like really difficult diseases and what we call the trifecta, like You have
AIDS, diabetes, and heart disease. Like you have trifecta. You're gonna see that in the prison. Like
it's a very sick population for many different reasons, which is sad. It kind of goes along with the
statistics that we all hear about. So you see that and it's hard and working there, again, it's cool
because you get to work with these really interesting cases. But what's not cool is unfortunately
they have a That person particularly had a high population of sex offenders. And that is one of
those cases where I can I struggle with and I think most people struggle with, especially

Nick Williams (00:25:04)
So, yeah.

Beth (00:25:05)
When you have to read the level of crimes. You know, we always had to read what we they called, I
think was called the Hut Pages of the Hut Book. And I wish that we weren't forced to have to ch
check off once a month that we read it. And I it was just it would make you sick, you know, like
sheriff who kidnapped a teenage boy and raped him, like you know, or a judge or the worst case I'm
not trying a male hospice nurse who goes in a home to take care of six ki sick kids was abusing
them. It's like, okay, those are the cases where I'm like that really struggle with that. That rocks
your faith at times. And but I only think I can even wrap my brain around and even try to do to work
at is it's not my place to judge. It's my place to care for whoever the human is in front of me. And
sadly a lot of times abuse is a cycle, so it's happened to them, but there's just been some really
evil cases that I've had to see or p patients I've had to work with and some high high profile I'm
not allowed to talk about. But it's just like that's those are the worst case scenarios and those
are really challenging and you can really put your perspective and your faith and even your c your
career into a place where it's like, What am I doing? Why is this? And That's very challenging.
That's beyond FUF,

Jason Yocum (00:26:29)
Just to tap into your psyche just a little bit, I liken it to a sports coach. You know, you've got a
built-in roster every day that you're dealing with and you're implementing. So the question I have
for you is: was your book slowly written over the last X amount of years? Or did it just become to
the starting line, finish line being a very short amount of time? In other words, I've acquired what
I'm gonna write about it. I'm just gonna sit down and write it now? Or did that happen over a longer
period of time? I'm trying to type in, you know, tap into that psyche of an author because I'm I'm
very interested. I think this is interesting. Go ahead.

Beth (00:27:04)
There are a lot of stories that just sit up in my head and I'm like, this is we used to joke when I
worked in this program called Primary Care Mental Health. And this is kind of where I got the idea
to start writing this. Sometimes we would get these consults. That means now that we're being
requested to see a patient. And some the things that we write on the consult are just kind of
comical and Humor is my coping mechanism and like I really enjoy humor and I think like I said in
nursing sometimes we get dark, we always dark humor. But we would like sometimes we get these
consults and we'd just like, all right, let's bring this to our meeting and we'd kinda laugh. Like
for example, one would say, Patient thinks he ate his twin and uterile. Please consult. You know? Or
patient wants to kill wife in room nine. Remember me and I was just on the exam rooms and it was
just like they're like writing a quick fit, but it's like So we decided that, you know, just for in
the no patient names or anything identifiers, but just for our own kind of humor, we kind of kept a
little a little notebook of the funny little like lines we got for consult. So if we needed a laugh
or we were having a difficult day or whatever, we'd be like, Let's pull out the notebook. And we'd
just read like a silly little con like line. Like one of was patient thinks blonde doctor looks like
his girlfriend that killed himself in the eighties. That's kinda where I got like, well, okay, I
have all these stories and sometimes, you know, when I worked at the prison there was a lot of
downtime. When you're on, you're on, and when you're off, you're off. So we were like either you're
going or you're sitting, one or the other. So sometimes when we were on a downtime, we'd you know,
we talk or tell stories and they used to say it was very animated, and it sometimes I guess I'd get
very animated with certain stories or I would like to Like something I do, like I guess like I pick
up the way somebody says something or does something and I'll imitate it when I'm telling the story.
So it got to the point where like, tell us that pool whip story again. Tell us that tell us that
other story. Tell us this. So I was like, All right. So after repeating myself, I'm like, I'm just
gonna write it so you guys stop asking me. So that was kind of the way I got the idea of like, you
know, these these stories need to be shared. But of course I always wanted to respect other people
and protect other people's property because a lot of times I did change names and or locations so
that it wouldn't pick up on somebody else. But it's just the concept and stories that just came
about. So they're always kind of in my head, a little bit in a notebook, and then I was just like,
It's time. Time to do this. That's a good question. I think we all have to work on that no matter
what field we're in. 'Cause we all encounter just craziness in our lives encounter on a drive home
or some dysfunctional coworker. I think everybody deals with that and work can be challenging for
most people. Especially like I you know, I started my very thing my very first job was Dunkin',
Dunkin' Donuts. And, you know, I couldn't wait to get out of there, but now I'm just like I wish I
could just give somebody a cup of coffee. I wish it was that easy. You know, just give a cup of
coffee.

Nick Williams (00:30:32)
Yeah, right, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Beth (00:30:36)
So and you know, customer service is extremely hard and the way people talk to other people. So I
think even from Dunkin' Donuts to being a nurse practitioner, we all have to decompress and we all
have to do something called self care and we're most of us are terrible at it and I'm probably not
any better at it. But the best thing I do is I'm I'm very blessed. I have a very wonderful husband
who I don't know why he hasn't walked out 'cause I'll bug his ear and where I won't be always the
easiest and I'll probably give him a lot of FUF he just like he's always open to listen. He's always
he's just so kind. If I had a really bad day, he'll he's just so sweet. He'll wake in me flowers or
something. So I'm like very blessed to have that. So he's very good to kinda decompress with or
listen. He's a good listener. But other times Netflix and chill. That's my coping mechanism.

Nick Williams (00:31:25)
Right? Yeah. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about your book. I know it just got released, I think
it was it the twenty second? Okay.

Beth (00:31:34)
Yes. Yep.

Nick Williams (00:31:35)
Okay. So what's kind of in a nutshell, like what is it about? Is it a is it a lot of different, like
scenarios or is it coping mechanisms, all the above? Like what are the what are some of the what's
what's kind of like the main thesis of the book?

Beth (00:31:49)
It's a bunch of basically short stories. That's kind of my thing. Like I take a story that just
stuck with me, that I kind of pulled a lesson from, or just really find like, if I wanna think talk
about kindness, or I really wanna talk about what it's like to deal with a difficult personality, or
if you're really struggling with your personal things like rumination, like I can't stop thinking
about this incident and things like that, then I got it just a story that popped up that I was like,
all right, this applies to that. So it starts off just kinda explaining what FUF is because I get
that question a lot and to me FUF is just it's FUF. And I forget that people don't understand what
I'm saying when I come when I say that or what that really means and then it can confuse people. So
the first the beginning is just kinda explaining what it is and it dives right into a story and it's
actually part of what the cover is. It's a picture of like a truck with baggage in the back. That's
open and then there's FUF coming up just because I kind of play on words, but you know, it's
basically kinda like we're going through our baggage. But the first story that popped up was it's a
story that I feel like outlines what FUF is. Like, okay, I'm a very visual person. So it was like I
literally see the FUF when I when I think of the my term. So the first story that popped up was an
elderly couple that came to the clinic that showed up in a U-Haul. They were living in a U-Haul
because they were severe hoarders they got kicked out of the home from being being condemned. So
they decided to move into a U-Haul And they had this chihuahua, two of them, and that the Chihuahua
needed medical care. They weren't concerned about getting housing. They weren't concerned about too
much about health care for themselves. They were more concerned about getting assistance to take
care of their Chihuahua. And when they showed up at the clinic Primary care did not know what to do
with this scenario and everyone felt kind of sad and there's a lot more involved with the story, but
the image is this very elderly woman, obese, sickly, she's got swollen feet, can't wear her own
shoes, she's being pushed in a wheelchair by her husband, who's a veteran, a thin man, kind of a
stereotypical beard and everything, a little gruff, and he's He wheels his wife in who's got the
chihuahua on her lap and he wants to ask about getting health care and if there's any if there's any
assistance they could get so that they can take their dog to the vet. So primary care, of course,
reached out to mental health, you know, primary care, mental health. So that was one of those crazy
consults and so I go out there to meet them and come to find out, like I said, they're living in
this U-Haul Because the woman has mobility issues, he's been he just puts her in the back of the
U-Haul with the Chihuahua on the lap and they just drive around Manchester with her rolling around
in the back. And I was just like, That's FUF. That is a picture of FUF I see the back of the U-Haul
pushing the woman in the wheelchair, no safety whatsoever. We're just gonna roll around back there
and drive around with your horde and this chihuahua with this abscess tooth. I'm like, this is FUF.
That is an actual picture of FUF. So The first book kind of opens up with that visual story, this
the story where I'm like, all right, this is this is up. This is this is FUF. So it starts with that
and then there's some other stories kind of I won't say similar, but everything like everything's
very unique with its FUF. So there's a lot of like the nursing stories, but it's not about nursing.
It just starts off nursey and it kind of leads into then I know some personal stories like when I'm
talking about we struggle with negative thinking and negative thought. And we just like perseverate.
Like for example, somebody cuts you off when you're driving home from work and so you're kinda
grumpy about it and you're mad and you come home and you just keep thinking about it. At least I
know I do and maybe that's my fault. So it's like Exactly.

Nick Williams (00:35:54)
Nah, nah.

Beth (00:35:56)
So I'm like there's something wrong with me. I must be really negative that I'm just constantly like
ruminating and rethinking and reliving this one negative moment and not ever doing that but a
positive thing. And one of the psychologists I used to work with said It's because our brains said
that was something wrong. Something unusual on the ride did not occur. So we ruminate because our
brains are trying to fix it. And I liked that. I was like, okay, I just thought I was negative and
just not a good person. Then I'm just like, ugh, I'm just so negative, like my dad, just you know,
negative. But no, it's because when you have a normal ride home from work, you don't think about it.
'Cause it was normal, but somebody cut you off or something happened, you ruminate about it, or it's
negative and you can't get past it. So, I kinda shared a story about how I ruminate over a negative
situation and then you know it was kind of funny, it was a bit of FUF as well. This crazy girl that
came out yelling at me 'cause her she saw that some car got in an accident and this is not kind of a
long story, but I shared that as a as an example of that rumination, that concept. I've got some
stories about trauma and talking about how you know, this person we saw is like, wow, this is fucked
up. They're living in an outhouse or they're living in a trailer and they don't have this and that,
and they're doing this around town and then kind of unfolding it to how somebody had shown them
kindness and how they got there. And you know what? Maybe we said it's FUF, but in the long run it
might not be FUF. I might be living the FUF.

Nick Williams (00:37:36)
Yeah, I was gonna ask that. It's a perspective thing, right? Like like for

Beth (00:37:36)
I'm working at nine to five. Exactly.

Nick Williams (00:37:39)
It reminds me—here in Indianapolis we have well, I guess it depends on who you ask. We have a we
have somewhat of a homeless problem, right, in in town down downtown Indianapolis. And but they had
just recently passed a law which blows my mind where it's illegal now to have like a tent, set up
and things like that. So I don't know what they're planning on doing with these with these people if
they arrest them, but anyway, I have heard on multiple occasions from people that have been homeless
and then from people that have known people that were homeless that a lot of for a lot of people, it
has nothing to do with I guess someone could argue this, but has nothing to do with mental illness
or drug use necessarily or anything like that. They are just comfortable in that scenario or in that
situation, So I mean I guess I guess some of the some of the FUF would be perspective also.

Beth (00:38:29)
Yeah, yeah. I mean that's hard for me to wrap my brain around 'cause that lifestyle

Nick Williams (00:38:32)
Me too.

Beth (00:38:33)
Is obviously very traumatic and very dangerous. So and it is hard. Like I had a patient in front of
me the last week who's living out of a car and she said she's exhausted because she can't park her
car anywhere without a police officer or somebody knocking a window saying you gotta move your car
and how scary it is and of course that's not example of that living a better life, but it i it's not
a life to live in my perspective, but there is something about simplicity and not our living off the
gri the grid as they say, that we I'm like, hmm, maybe they are into something. We all think that,
you know, having a nice home and having a nine to five and a family, that is how we're supposed to
be, but that's not necessarily true. It's just what we say is. So you know there's a lot of the th
that kind of concept that goes in through the book. And I bring in and maybe it feels a little
disjointed in the book, but I decided to keep it 'cause I really it ties in into what I believe is
all all encompassing and that's I have a section more towards the end called Family FUF and I unpack
a little bit about some family FUF and some like the original the OG FUF, you know, like my my mom's
adoptive parents and, you know, really dive deep actually kinda began with a 23andMe deep dive and
it's I find that stuff really interesting. But so it's a little bit of everything. It's like I said,
it starts off nursey, gets a little personal and then you know, I pull my family in, which I'm I
sure they some don't really care for that too much where I made sure I get everyone's okay to do
that. But it's just kinda raw and is what it is. There's no good answer.

Nick Williams (00:40:21)
Before before we get all your contact information where people can find you and find your book and
all that, just a couple of real quick last last questions. What would you hope people get out of
your book? If someone was sitting down with it and they were struggling right now with their own
FUF, like what would you what do you hope that they would get out of the book?

Beth (00:40:42)
That it's okay. It's okay to have FUF. It's okay that you feel you're a negative person or that your
family is messed up or that things aren't the way we think they are. And that what I really want to
do or I always like to start off with is I like to entertain people 'cause obviously life is funny.

Nick Williams (00:41:05)
Yeah.

Beth (00:41:06)
At least that's how I see it. Maybe I'm not funny when it's happening, but you look back later on,
I'm like, that was kind of funny. And so I like to entertain, but I also like to comfort and be
like, you know what? This is human. We're human. And that's really what it's about. Is you know,
we're all human and what we do and what we feel and how we live and what we experience is human.
It's not bad or good. And to give peace, to give hope. You know, there's hope. I can't answer
everyone's question. I can't solve everyone's FUF. And I sure as heck when I order medications
throughout the day is I'm not gonna fix people a hundred percent. But there's hope in all of that.
And that's the whole point. I wanna entertain, I wanna comfort and I wanna give hope because that's
really all it is.

Nick Williams (00:41:50)
And now and on a different side of it, I asked what would you tell someone who was struggling? What
advice could you give for someone like like myself or or like Jason who maybe ran across someone who
was struggling? I mean, what could we do as as people that were not trained professionals? Like just
it would it be as simple as just just listening, just being there for them? Like what are some some
different skills or or mechanisms that just somebody some everyday person that doesn't have any kind
of professional skills could could help out with.

Beth (00:42:22)
The question. I mean, basically all we can do is let people know that we're there, that we care,
that it's okay. And you don't have to talk. We don't have to like each other. We don't have to patch
anything up. But I'm here. So to be where somebody's at, there really don't there really isn't good
training. I keep trying to take trainings and I'm like, okay, I haven't learned anything yet. It's
really just being there and sometimes we don't have the right words and there isn't. But just
meeting somebody where that, being there and just being kind and reserving your judgment. And
sometimes it also means maybe you need to step away. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn
and I still have to learn is because I want to fix everything. You know, I want everyone to be
perfect. I want everyone

Nick Williams (00:43:13)
Yeah.

Beth (00:43:15)
To be fixed. Is that People are allowed to make bad decisions, people are allowed to do bad things
to a certain extent. And you know, and I can't fix that. You know, if somebody wants to continue
drinking, if somebody doesn't want to change, I have to let that be. And that's another thing too.
Like you just gotta let it be and let them know when you're ready, I'm here.

Nick Williams (00:43:40)
Yeah. Good stuff. Awesome. Well thank you so much, Beth. Can can you tell us wha where's the best
place to find your book? I know it's on Amazon, but are there other places for people to find it?

Beth (00:43:50)
Right now it's only on Kindle and Amazon. I haven't uploaded to any other platforms yet. So that's
where we can get it now. Hopefully I can get it on Barnes and Noble and hopefully with some more
marketing, which is not my forte. Can get it to more platforms.

Nick Williams (00:44:08)
Where can people find you if you want to be found? Like do you have social media side social media
handles anything like that where people can find you and maybe reach out to you if they have a
question or something like that?

Beth (00:44:19)
Absolutely. I have an author page on Amazon, and I also have an author page on Facebook because I'm
old, according to my children. I only know how to use Facebook.

Nick Williams (00:44:28)
Yeah.

Beth (00:44:29)
Yeah, I do have Instagram too, but I do have a Facebook page. It's called Looking Back, It's Funny.
It's my author page. That was my first book. And I've tied that same page onto what the FUF

Nick Williams (00:44:42)
And speaking of your your first book, where can people find that if they wanna if they wanna read
your first book? The memoir.

Beth (00:44:49)
The same. It's on Amazon as well and I believe I also have it on Barnes and Noble, but Amazon is the
easiest place to grab it.

Nick Williams (00:44:58)
And what was it called again?

Beth (00:45:00)
Looking Back, It Was Funny.

Nick Williams (00:45:02)
Okay. All right. Very cool. All right. Jason, do you have anything else?

Jason Yocum (00:45:06)
Yep, yeah. The mosaic send-off that I want to give you is and this is a weird analogy, but I was
just kind of thinking about this, do you know those books that like you draw and you flip the pages
super fast and it actually does like a motion or like a continuation of the previous page?

Beth (00:45:22)
Like an animation.

Jason Yocum (00:45:23)
Yeah, like an animation. There you go. I would say that if you had an animation book about yours,
yours would be super thick. And the reason I say that is because you have your psychiatric care, you
have your prison systems, you have your self-help, you have your people help, you have putting
yourself after someone else, you have your own family, you face adversity. Man, that book would be
like super thick. So I wanna I wanna commend you for that. That's actually an ultimate compliment
because dealing with the Adversity, being the person you are, giving back. You know, when I was at
admissions for 20 years recruiting students, it was always the person that you saw on the mall that
had bettered themselves. Like I had a gentleman working in an after hours club. Now he's actually
doing something different because he's able to get out of that. I had a young lady that was, you
know, working at Walmart. Now she's a dental hygienist. You know what I mean? Those are just two of
my stories that are very minor, but you're more of a Man, I really gotta roll my sleeves up and get
after it today because you can't you can't not be seen, heard and interact with people that are
gonna need your help. So I just wanted to give you that little snippet of kind of mosaic thread
there a send-off and say, you know, great job, keep doing what you're doing and it's people like you
that really drive the best in others and help people to at least maintain if not getting better. And
if they're not getting better, they're at least, you know, making that part of their day when they
interact with you better. So I wanna tip my cap to you, even though I don't have one. I'll tip my
cap to you. So it was nice having you on. You did an excellent job.

Nick Williams (00:46:55)
Yep, really appreciate it, Beth.

Beth (00:46:56)
Thank you.